NIVEA SOUP?!

Letter to OFW dad:

"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi tobleron ang
baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka
na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tloy
ang umubos."

JOKES TO PONDER: SUPER PART 2!

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MADAM AURING
*During See True's New Year's presentation.
Ate Luds: "O sige ano na ang inyong prediction para kay Stella Strada."

Madam Auring: "Lalo siyang sisikat sa darating na taon at malalampasan niya ang kasikatan ni Alma Moreno!"
(The next day, the headlines read: Stella Strada Commits Suicide!)


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MISS GAY PHILIPPINES CONTESTANT #2
Joey de Leon: "Ano sa tingin mo ang katangian mo na iba sa mga kalaban mo?"

Miss Gay Philippines Contestant: "Unang-una, isa akong tunay na babaeng Pilipina na handang maglingkod sa bayan. Alam ko na ang isang gay na katulad ko ay maaring maging halimbawa sa

lipunan. Oo nga kami'y pinagtatawanan subalit may karapatan din naman kaming mabuhay para hindi lamang sa sarili kundi para sa mga taong aming mapaglilingkuran."

Joey: "So Ano nga ang katangian iba sa iyo?"

Contestant: "Palangiti ako."

Vic: "Kahit walang tao?"


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COCA NICOLAS
Isang panelist sa See True: "Paano mo nabibigyan buhay ang pag-bobold?"

Coca Nicolas: "Pinaiinum ako ni Tito Rey ng FONDADOR."


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MISS GAY PHILIPPINES CONTESTANT #2
Joey de Leon: "Ano ang masasabi mo sa katayuan ng mga katulad mo sa lipunan, sabi nila...blah, blah, blah..."

Miss Gay Phil Contestant: (panay ang ngiti at halatang kinakabahan...) "Unang una Joey at Vic, Magandang tanghali sa inyong lahat. Pwedeng pakiulit yung tanong?"


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SUPER SI REYNA CONTEST
Emcee: "Anong masasabi mo sa death penalty?"

Contestant: A: "Ano po yun toot por toot, eye por eye."

Emcee: "Paki eksplika nga?"

Contestant: "Ganito po yun: kung pinatay mo ang nanay ko, dapat, patayin ko din ang nanay mo!"


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LITTLE MISS PHILIPPINES CONTEST #1
Emcee: "Anong gusto mong maging paglaki mo?"

Contestant: "Maging lalaki po."

--AIZA is that you?!


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LITTLE MISS PHILIPPINES CONTEST #2

Emcee (to boy consort, inaalaska): "Okay 'tong suot mo boy, a!"

Boy consort: "T&~G #NA MO!"


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MR. WORLD PHILIPPINES CONTEST
Emcee: "What do you think should a man possess to be successful?"

Contestant: "I think, that for a man to be successful, he should be a responsible, because if he should not be a responsible, he will not have a successful. That is all. I thank you."

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EAT BULAGA'S HUSBAND AND WIFE COMPATIBILITY CONTEST
(Ala Newly Weds game show)
Host: "Misis, ano ang nilalagay ni Mister sa kanyang itlog tuwing umaga?"

Misis: "Johnson's Baby Powder!"


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JOKES TO PONDER: SUPER PART 1!

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MELANIE MARQUEZ
*During an interview with Inday Badiday.
Inday Badiday: "Paano ka nag-susurvive sa mga trials mo?"

Melanie Marquez: "Alam mo ate Ludz, you know, when you are alone, you really have to step your foot...ah , forward!"


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SNOOKY
*Answering a question from the See-True Panel.
Snooky: "Ano kasi , she is, I mean she was, kasi past tense na nga pala..."


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BB. PILIPINAS PILIPINAS CIRCA '70s
Eddie Mercado: "Of the three titles at stake, which would you want to win?"

Finalist: "I want to win the Bb. Pilipinas Universe because it would be an honor to represent the Philippines in the whole Universe!"


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ALMA MORENO
*Wrapping up a conversation with guest Joey Albert during her show Rated A.
Alma: "So Joey, paki ulit muli yung concert mo sa University of Belt."


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MYRA MANIBOG
Joe Quirino: "Sharon, are you familiar with the current problems we have in the film industry?"

Sharon: "Sorry, Tito Joe, I'm afraid not."

JQ: "What about you Myra, what can you say?"

Myra Manibog: "Naku Tito Joe, I'm afraid also!"


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MISS GAY PHILIPPINES CONTESTANT #1
Joey de Leon: "How are you?"

Miss Gay Philippines contestant: "How are you too!"


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MELANIE MARQUEZ MISS INTERNATIONAL 1978
Eddie Mercado: "Angie Dickinson has insured her legs for a million dollars, would you also do the same?"

Melanie Marquez: "NO, of course no, because I am proud and contented with my long legged."
(With this answer, she bagged the crown and eventually won the Miss International in 1978.)


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ATOY CO
Joe Cantada : "So Atoy, what are your prospects now, mukhang makakayanan kayo ng Toyota this coming semi-finals round..."

Atoy Co : "Well Joe, the ball is around!"
(Naghanap tuloy ng bola si Joe.)


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ARNIE TUADLES
PBA anchor : So sino sa tingin mo Arnie ang may appeal sa iyong artista natin?

Arnie Tuadles (SLN): Si JEN siyempre!

PBA Anchor: Sinong Jen?

Arnie Tuadles: Si JEN SABURIT.


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KUYA GERMS
*During Tom Babauta's guesting on Germspesyal
Kuya Germs: "Do you love Philippines?"

Tom Babauta: "Yes Kuya Germs."

Kuya Germs: "Have you made love to a Filipina?"


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LYDIA DE VEGA
*Interview after winning against PT Usha of India for the Century Dash in 1984 Asian Games.
Reporter: "What happened Lydia, mukhang bumanat ka sa ending."

Lydia: "Oo nga, mabilis siya, but you know, I ran and I fast!"


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SURPRISE!

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.

When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk

home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached

home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the

blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight

to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me

vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and

folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.


At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



In order to have, first, you have to be.
In this lifetime....even if we're not able to do great things, we can still do the small things....with great LOVE.

WOMAN 101.

A bicyclist was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
have tried your best to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one
wish."

The bike rider pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of
the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly
exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire
for worldly things. Please take a little more time and think of something that would honor and
glorify me."

The bike rider thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I
wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries,
what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make
a woman truly happy."


The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"


IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND A WOMAN? :D

THE CELIBACY TEST

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress,

and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.

In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate. Even before she has begun to remove her veils: *Ting-a-ling*

goes the little bell...

"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your complete lack of self-control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."

As Patrick leaves, the dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."

The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.

"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest. Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the

shower."

*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

MELANICTIONARY: THE RETURN OF THE SCENE-QUEEN!

WARNING: This will feed your vocabulary starvation. So make sure you will take note of the terms. Some words can cause INTERNAL HEMORRHAGE.


▬Well, I want to spend my holidays with my family most probably out of place.

▬Why I will give my calling card, I'm not a call girl. (Her reply to a certain duke when the latter is asking for her calling card.)

▬Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat. (During her acceptance speech at a Metro Filmfest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father Temyong Marquez, won an award.)

▬Period na talaga; wala nang exclamation point. (When asked on S-Files if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right)

▬And the base of my observation is... (showbiz stripped May 14 GMA Ch. 7)

▬At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek’s mother (whom she partly blamed for the separation). "Oo nga," said Melanie, "pero i-English-in ko para maintindihan niya." She looked into the camera and, with the peremptoriness of royalty, said, "And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you. Ang labo mo!"

▬(When asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy) Don't worry little angel, big angel is here.

▬(On what they should do to the houseboy who molested her daughter) He should be put behind bar.

▬(While waiting backstage during a noontime show after watching Nikki Valdez do her dance number) Nikki, you're so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!

▬(While she's in Morning Girls With Kris & Korina promoting her movie with Aleck Bovick) Please watch HIRAM starring Aleck Baldwin (referring to Aleck Bovick) and myself. It's DIRECTOR by Romy Suzara.

▬(After giving birth, and an interview on The Buzz) My answers have been prayered!

▬(To ex-flame Senator Lito Lapid) Hello...Huwag kang tumahol sa sarili mong bakuran noh! (In response to being misunderstood) You know, huwag kang tumahol like dogs.

MELANICTIONARY: THE SECOND RETURN OF THE COMEBACK!

WARNING: This will feed your vocabulary starvation. So make sure you will take note of the terms. Some words can cause INTERNAL HEMORRHAGE.


▬What’s your next class before this?

▬Hello, my brother Joey is out of town, would you like to wait?

▬Don’t touch me not!

▬You! you’re not a boy anymore! You’re a man anymore!

▬Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You're so questionable.

▬You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can fool me thrice. But you can never fool me FOUR!

▬Hindi ba kayo naawa sa kapatid ko...sa mga kwento nya? Di ba kayo na-PERSUAVE ng mga kwento niya? Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae...talaga lang malapit siya sa mga gulo...PRO-ACCIDENT kasi siya eh.

▬Boy Abunda: O Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong magmo-Mormon ka na? Melanie: Ah okay lang 'yon Boy, kasi matagal na rin akong SEMI-RETARDED.
They should talk behind the scene...

MELANICTIONARY: THE FIRST WRATH!

WARNING: This will feed your vocabulary starvation. So make sure you will take note of the terms. Some words can cause INTERNAL HEMORRHAGE.


▬My brother is not a girl; he’s a gentleman.

▬That’s why I’m a success, it’s because I don’t middle in other people’s lives.

▬Don’t judge my brother; he’s not a book.

▬I won’t stoop down to my level.

▬Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba? Are you dep?

▬‘Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha yan.

▬Eh, ikaw ba naman, durugin ang ari mo...Pag di ka naman manutok ng baril.

▬We are lovers, not fighters.

▬Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same.

▬I don’t eat meat. I’m not a carnival.

▬Sumasakit ang migraine ko.

▬Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay!

▬I keep my crown in the voltage.

▬Can you repeat that for the second time around once more from the top?

▬I couldn’t care a damn!

Top Ten Beaches in the Philippines.

          The Philippines is a hot [ 22C-38C] and humid [85%] Asian country loaded with lovely relaxed people, tropical jungle and glorious beaches - some of which are now the preserve of luxury resorts.

The country costs little to travel in unless you stay at a fancy resort, and that's not necessary, there are plenty of downmarket hotels available.

Manila, the capital, is polluted, uninteresting and not short of crime, but you'll have to stop over briefly en route to your island paradise of choice. Unless you have a lot of time you'll fly there.

The Philippines is a country rich in biodiversity. And in relation to that, its beaches. Some of the world's most beautiful beaches are located in the Philippines. Most of these beaches are breathtaking and you can't even find them in other countries. Simply Philippines' pride. Here are the list of beautiful beaches in the Philippines.

1. Boracay – has always been the favorite place of beach goers to go in the Philippines. This is because of the great white sand and cool waters. Boracay is the place for people looking to party. It is even considered as one of the finest beaches in the world. Boracay is located in the North West part of the Visayas area called Panay. And Brangelina were rumored to have stayed and visited this amazing paradise. Enjoy!

2. Pagudpud – if you’re looking for a place that can be like Hawaii, Pagudpud is the place to visit. The strong winds and waves can be compared to that of Hawaii which makes this place often visited by surfers. Pagudpud also has long continuous white sands and inviting beach waters for people looking to just swim. Compared to Boracay, this place is more secluded.

3. Mactan Island – the queen city of the South, Cebu, also has its fair share of great beaches. One of them is the so called Mactan Island. It is a tropical island resort. It provides tourist with great entertainment such as night life activities that will spice up the visit.

4. Panglao - if you love to dive visiting Panglao is the place to be. This place is a tiny island found hidden in it’s bigger nearby island of Bohol.

5. Camiguin – the palce has been known to be one of the most beautiful places in the Philippines because it still seems like a paradise. Some people even consider the palce the “Garden of Eden” in the country. Camiguin has a great topography that includes waterfalls, and the hot and cold springs. The place will be mesmerizing and will definitely tempt you to go back.

6. Dakak – a private beach that spans about 750 meters long the Sulu Sea. The beach also has great white sands that can be compared to powder. The pool’s water comes from the spring water and the waterfalls that are on the area.

7. Honda Bay – this are islands that surround the capital of the South Western province of Palawan. Among these islands, the tourist can go island hopping, diving and swim on the cool waters. In one of the islands, one can see the variety of fishes without swimming out too deep.

8.El Nido – the place has been known as the country’s last frontier and Palawan - the Island of the Gods. This place offers great beaches that will tae you away from the urban life. This place is the best to visit if you are looking for complete peace and quiet. Aside from the magnificent beach, the palce also offers you a sight of the beautiful seascapes, towering marble cliffs and a variety of tropical birds.

9. Pearl Farm – far south in the city of Davao, lies the premier beach resort know as the Pearl Farm. The place no longer has the pearls you are looking for. But the place can still offer an experience as valuable as a pearl. This is because of the great resort that is accompanied by the white sands.

10. Siargao – this place is another surfers dream. The place offers you waves that can curl up to 12 feet high. Aside from the waves, the place also has beaches that still remains unspoiled by urban lifestyle.

So if you want to beat the summer heat and enjoy God's taste of paradise, dig in to these beaches. The beaches of the Philippines is for everyone. These beaches are also open for surfers, party goers, divers, for couples, familes and even group of friends. Now its your time to pick the best beach for you. CHOOSE YOUR SELECTION.

IDOL: BEST and WORST! Siobhan off IDOL!

Last night , Country Week on Idol was not that plausible. Yes I know. There are some performances that made a stand. Like:

                                            Casey James-- HEAVENLY PERFOMANCE!

                   MICHAEL LYNCH-- WET PERFORMANCE! (opposite of DRY?!)

                         AARON KELLY-- HEARTWARMING PERFORMANCE!

And I think the worst performance that night was Crystal Bowersox. Her performance was displeasing. Even the judges agree. Right?

But this just in. Crystal was saved by the voters. Siobhan Magnus sadly left the competition. I will miss her screaming style. As Simon said, like she was giving birth. LOL!

                                           Siobhan i guess you would have to sleep now. LOL!



This leaves Crystal as the last woman standing in the competition. I wonder how this competition will end. But compare to the previous seasons, this season is not that appealing to other people. Maybe thats just based on my understanding. Dont mind it.

Gotta KILL 'em all, JEJOMONS!

Maybe all of us are wondering how these people were given such popularity. These JEJOMONS are drastically giving us, "normal" people internal hemorrhage. So let me start this by defining this contagious word: JEJOMONS.


JEJOMONS- (n.)

1) Usually seen around social networking sites such as Friendster and Multiply, jejemons are individuals with low IQs who spread around their idiocy on the web by tYpFing LyK diZS jejejeje, making all people viewing their profile raise their eyebrows out of annoyance. Normal people like you and me must take a Bachelor of Arts in Jejetyping in order to understand said individuals, as deciphering their text would cause a lot of frustration and hair pulling.

CAUTION: THESE INDIVIDUALS ARE BREEDING! THEY CAN BE SEEN WRECKING GRAMMATICAL HAVOC ON FACEBOOK TOO!

2) Jejemons are not just confined to trying-hard Filipino gangsters and emos. A Jejemon can also include a variety of Latino-Hispanic **** who enjoy typing "jejejejeje" in a wider context, much to the disdain of their opponents in an internet MMORPG game such as Ragnarok and DOTA.

3) Basically anyone with a low tolerance in correct punctuation, syntax and grammar. Jejemons are usually hated or hunted down by Jejebusters or the grammar nazi to eradicate their grammatical ways.

On AIM or YM: A Normal conversation with a Jejomon.

miSzMaldiTahh111: EoW pFuOh!

You: Huh?

miszMaldiTahh111: i LLyK tO knOw moR3 bOut u, PwfoH. crE 2 t3ll mE yur N@me? jejejejeje!

You: You are a jejemon! Don't talk to me, you uneducated retard!

miszMaldiTahh111: T_T




SOURCE: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jejemon



Maybe you're wondering why we don't have any pictures of the members of this killer clan. Well people don't bother to take pictures of them. Their identities were hidden. Why? Don't bother to flaunt it! It will kill us all. By the way I was able to get a video of some kind of party of these freaks.

▬The Anti-Jeje Party (a political ad spoof) ▬

Click this link ▬ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smySNGKpabE



And if you want to experience the feeling of being a JEJOMONS, which I did and it made me confused of my being. I tried it with this phrase:


Normal:

The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

JEJOMONS: Translated!

d quick BroWn~ f0x juMpz ovEr~ D lAZY D0g~


Just visit this site to experience the worst experience of your life.

▬http://kalokohan.guissmo.frih.net/jologs.php


WARNING: Do not mingle with these freaks! It can cause cancer! If they are bugging you, well debug them!

Hairstyle for Men this 2010.

 

            I'm really fond of styling my hair. I don't know why. Do you know? LOL! But let me give you ideas of Hairstyle that will make a stand this 2010: Year of the Metal Tiger. ROAR!

▬PUNK will make a STRUCK!-- The Fringe!



                                                  

That hair makes me shiver! LOVELY!

Isn't this hot?! FEVER!

▬The SLICK BACK is definitely BACK!

Classy and very sophisticated look.

                              

GEORGE CLOONEY gives me fever! HOT!

But ofcoarse we can't deny the fact that skin head will not be left behind. And the surfer look will be a boom also. That is one of the classics. Especially, surfer look can make someone shiver. Its sexy...

Just a piece of advice. No matter what is your hairstyle, the most important thing that you need to remember is that you're feeling good with that style. And you're comfortable with it. It's not important if you are following the trend. Whats important is YOU. Yes! YOU!

C. Aguilera equals Gaga?!

I just saw a post saying that Christina Aguilera is copying the Fame Monster , the stunning Lady Gaga . Well, for me... I love Lady Gaga. And I am dying for her but I also like C. Aguilera. And for me, I don't think C. Aguilera is a copying Gaga herself.

They all have their own style and fashion statement. And we can't easily judge someone because of they way she wear clothes. Maybe we should focus on the voice and the talent, plus the way she performs. C. Aguilera is not a member of the Pirates. She has her own authencity and eccentricity.

And speaking of Lady Gaga, I heard she will be back on the X Factor around this year. And her performance on the X Factor last december was phoenomenal. But, whats new with Gaga right? She is really a phoenomenal artist. A real artist. You can't avoid to go Gaga.

PBB Teen Clash 2010- WANTED BED SPACER?!

Shocks! I am so excited about the new twist on PBBTC 2010 this coming week. Why? Hello?! Isn't it the Apartment housemates and the Villa Housemates were combined in one house (Villa House) which leaves the Apartment house vacant. And through the teaser of last night's (27.04.2010) episode, I got the news that Kuya (Big Brother) is opening the Apartment house for additional housemates maybe. I am not yet sure about it but this will be a new excitement in both the two houses. Plus this will be a new CLASH between the housemates. I can't wait for the next episodes.



Post Script (Pahabol Sulat):

My fearless forecast about who will win the PBBTC 2010 ?

▬ I think Shey and Ivan would be a great tandeem. Plus I can see that Kuya (Big Brother) is building and focusing on Ivan. I don't know why?. Maybe Kuya envision Ivan as a possible star in the future. Right? Agree? :)

My Own Simple Ways on How To Make Someone Fall in Love with YOU.

We all experienced to falling in love. And I know its quite hard to deal with emotions right? And sometimes being SINGLE makes you feel bored and alone. So here are some of the ways on how to make someone like you. These are based from my experiences and also based from other people's experiences. Dig in!


1. Ask his Facebook/Myspace/Friendster/Beebo/other social networking sites. Why? Because through that you will know his basic information and see some pictures whcih can give you an idea of his/her eccentricity. Simple yet useful way.

2. Know the Power of your EYES. Remember the saying? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Our eyes are very powerful. It will allow the other person to see your emotion, your feelings and sometimes your desire. So get those eyeballs ready.

3. Don't Do Nice Things for Them. Let Them Do Nice Things for You- from iVillage.com

If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels. You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm toward the person you've just spoiled. To justify the effort or expense, we often over-idealize how wonderful he is to deserve it! End result: we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play -- and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's all even trickier if the "nice thing" comes from someone you very much like but aren't sure about yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him. You're much better off letting him spoil you.


4. Keep it real: be natural. Keep them laughing, smiling, and happy.


5. Go the extra mile. Stand out from the crowd.


Here are some tips from Wikihow.com


▬Be understanding. Listen to what he/she has to say don't go over him/her.

▬Compliment him/her.

▬Don't flirt with his close friends. This will just end up with fights between mates.

▬Above all, if the person doesn't love you for your personality, then he/she is NOT really in love with you. Never keep hanging on to him when he/she isn't interested.

▬Don't say you love him/her if you don't really mean it, they might become obsessive.

▬Don't EVER cheat.

▬Don't make him/her feel worthless by ranting on and on about your exes. If you say what you dislike in your exes, he/she might be put off, as most people have the same faults, like leaving the toilet seat up or biting their nails.

▬And most of all, be yourself. If a person can not fall in love you for you just being you.. then that person is not really for you.

Such a NASTY Dowg!

Isn’t this a NASTY photo? Haha. :))

Im not sure if this is real or what. It’s like a cross breed of a mouse/human/mongkey/bentong/golumn/dobby. Walang sinabi ang Platypus ng Australia. Hahaha. O diba? Laban ka? Haha. :)) Pero, this is one nasty-yucky photo. But i labb it! :))

SINGLE LADIES.

Presenting ang mga Chicksilog ( Chicks na may ITLOG ) sa dalampasigan

Anong sinabi nga mga babae na nakapost sa mga Men’s Magazine ah? O diba? Pinakikilala sina*:

* right to left

Maruja- Ang babaeng mukhang Buddha.

Luningning- Panalo ang buhok niya. Blonde!

Ysabella - Sige lang sumandal ka!

Maricar- Humahagod sa lalamunan at baga.

Charice- Pa demure!

Berto- Pinaka maganda at amoy tubig dagat.

Marifosa- Anong sinabi ng legs ni Katrina?

Nakakabilib ang mga damit nila. Red pa mandin. :)) No offense. :D

Confession of a Teenage Lola...

Hello everybody, My name is Divina Gracia Dimaculangan. You can call me LOLA for short. I’m proud to say that I’m virgin but totally damaged. You know my mother taught me to always put a smile on my face. And one day she scolded me, and she asked me


“I’m already scolding you, why are you still smiling?”
And then I answered in a humble way…
“Isn’t it mother, you taught me that i should always put smile on my face?”
Then she laughed in vain… until she decided to bump her head against the wall. And you know what I did?
I JUST SMILED. :)

Then one day I decided to join a beautyless contest entitled, “Bb. Saranggola de Mercedez 2009” And I approached the information board and asked for an application form but you know I’m a scene queen, I said…
” Wahhh! Huhuhu. No! No! Huhuhu. Mother! Father! Huhuhu. Please! BIGYAN MO AKO NG APPLICATION FORM. UTANG NA LOOB!!!”
Presto, I got the application form. Here’s the copy of my application form:

Name: Divina Gracia y Dimaculangan
AKA: Lola
Age: Doesn’t Matter!
Sex: It’s complicated.
Color of eyes: Mocha brown blended with blackberry and dried peppercorn.
Motto: Thank you! and Congratulations!
Weight: Overweight.
Height: Height matters!
Nose: Noselift!
Color of hair: Greyish white and sky black.
Status: 36” 24” 36”???

Then after I filled up the Application form, I was interviewed by the program organizer…
“What is your edge against the other contestant?”
I was confused of the question at first but I inhaled all the air available there and I answered whole heartedly…
“Well I’m proud to say that my edge against the other contestant is, my edge is 18, and maybe i think their 19 and 20 years old respectively…”

Program Organizer: … ( Internal hemorrhage )

Then after that the day of the competition came… At first we have iven a chance to introduce ourselves…

“hello everybody, my name is divina gracia dimaculangan, kung ang babae ang tawag ay chick at ang lalaki ay may itlog, im proud to say that i’m chicksilog, chick na may itlog. at naniniwala ako sa kasabihan na “pag binato ka ng bato, batuhin mo ng dairy cream because it’s better to give than to receive. thank you!!!”

The second event was talent portion.. I was hesitant to pick a talent because most of talent are just the the same and they’re common…. so I chose a talent that is rare and unique…

” Alms, alms, alms, give me a piece of meat! Do you know my mother? Do you know my father? No! No! I did not cheated! I will never said that I love you!…”

Then the upbeat atmosphere turned into all soul’s day scene…. And I was happy, very happy, tehir speechless because of my talent. I saw that on my horoscope that, that scene will happen… Yes! I’m really a talented human being or should I say a talented human being?

And the moment we’ve all been waiting for, the announcement of winners ( By the way, we did not have Q&A portion, I don’t know why… what do you think? ) And the grotesquely bizzare award goes to… Divina Gracia Dimaculangan…

“Wahhhhhhhhh!!!” That’s my reaction….

“????????…….” That’s the audience reaction….

After the competion, i went back to our house, and I saw our dog. Her name is Butchokoy, she’s an eyskal. But she has a breed, Gardenia… That’s her favorite breed.

And my mom enter the dragon scene, she asked me:

Mom: “Hey you!”
Me: “Me?!”
Mom: “No! YOU!”
Me: “Yes, ME!”
Mom: “i said YOU, not ME! Boba!”
Me: “Ayyyy. ok”
Mom” “where have you been? i thought youve been raped! you don’t even ask permission. what if they’ll chop chop you huh?!”
Me: “Whatever mother? Youre such a commoner! Youre over acting, as if youre an actress! go to US mother, you can sell hotcakes there! Just promise me to name your hotcake stand GARDENIA: Kahit walang palaman!”
Mom: “Boba! US nga edi dapat english! GARDENIA: Even if there’s no flesh around”
Me: “ayyy. ganda! ( lumabas ang dugo sa kanyang mga sweat glands… palpitation… respiration… condensation… condensada… ALASKA )
+
The next day, i went to the hospital… I saw this friend of mine, shes a nurse…

Me: Hey friend!
Friend: Hi friend ( beso beso. )
Me: Its been awhile ahh.
Friend: Oww. Wait friend… ( talking to another person ) Hey! Kunin niyo na ang BP, kelangan makuha na yun. Yung BP ok? Mahirap na!
Me: Friend! Asan ba si BP? Bakit niyo siya hinahanap? Gusto mo tulungan ko kayo maghanap kay BP. ( sumigaw siya… nagsisigaw ng malakas sa hospital… ) BP… Asan ka na? Maawa ka samin! Magpakita ka na BP. Have mercy BP.
Friend: Ayyy. Tanga!

I decided to go to the inauguration of Mr. Barrack Obama… And unfortunately, the judge who was suppose to inaugurate Mr. Obama died because of mild toothache. And by lottery method, i was the one who inaugurated mr. barrack obama. isnt that amazing? AMAZING!

And Mr. Barrack Obama announced something special…

BO: People of the world, meet my long lost daughter… Divina Gracia Dimaculangan… AKA Lola.
Me: Hwattt? Are you nuts? Are you charcoal?
Audience: Owss? Tutu mu ita?
BO: Yes! 101% true!
Me: Uroo? Sure ka mu Barrack?!
Audience: Maniwala kami! Magmais ka mo eeh!
BO: ( naglupasay si obama… nag iiyak iyak!! ) huhuhu! its true! why are you forsaking me! how dare you, you dare me!!! ( then he decided to stabbed himself into pieces, by using the propeller of the helicopter… )

Then the Pope, called madison square garden live via satellite… and said that I WILL BE THE NEXT PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA home based edition….

And the next day my ex-boyfriend called me… he begged me to be with him again… and he told me that he realized that he loved me so much… and i pity him so much… and i said to him..
Me: Pumunta ka ng airport, sumakay ka ng barko, pumunta ka ng Thailand. PAKAMATAY KA!!!

Me: hello friend… yes friend.. yes.. im sorry wrong number…

And the next caller came in…

Me: hello? oww friend. is that you friend? yes friend… yes friend.. ou, friend. gusto kong ipapatay si Bogart. Gusto ko pinadala mo sakin ang pugot na ulo niya, patay man o buhay…


”The end”

WHATDAH?!

It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing.

- No matter how simple it is but you really enjoy it, you are productive with it, you are happy with it, its not considered as simple. What is important is the thought that you pour into it. As they say, “its the thought that counts”. :)))

SOMEONE ELSE...

Haynako!
Hindi ka ba naman maasar kay someone else?
Masyado pa cute.
Alam naman niyang marupok ako.
Sinasamantala niya ang kahinaan ko.

Nakasalamin pa siya.
So it means “malabo” kami?
He needs someone better?
Nakooo!
Assuming lang ako masyado.
May chance pa!
TANDAAN: Walang impossible sa mundo.

Ang BATOK niya.
Amputteeeee!
Mapute pa sa paa ko.
Nakakangineeeg! :P
Kahinaan ko kaya ang batok.
Tapos kulay singkamas pa ang balat niya.
Super simile ang drama ng figure of speech.

He’s like my inspiration.
Im his perspiration.
Oh diba?
Rhyming… Bagay kami. :D
He’s the porkchop.
Im the ketchup.
He’s the apple of my eye.
Ako ang palaman ng kanyang tinapay.

Wow naman!
Nakooo.
Kaso, Hay!
Sabi nila “Single means being happy”.
Kinda Ironic diba?
Whew!