Pinoy Knock Knock Jokes

►Cashew Nut.

Don’t tell me you’re sorry Cashew Nut. ~ ( Take A Bow )


►Ginabing Kokey.
Just dance, ginabing kokey. Dadoodoom. ( Just Dance )


►Come back to me.


Come back to me bok ang puso.
Wala ka ng magagawa kundi sundin ito. ( Kapag Tumibok ang Puso )


►Kangkong, Kangkong, Greenwich, Tomato.


New York..kangkong, kangkong, greenwich, tomato.
Now you’re in New York! New York! ( Empire State of Mind )


►Sinigang.

Sinigaaang! Sandal ka lang. At wag mong pipigilan.~ ( Sandalan )


►Solusyon.

Solusyon, sa Visayas, at sa Mindanao! ( Wowowee )


►Civil War.

Civil war ang tunay na mahirap.
Civil war ang tunay na may malasakit. ( Manny Villar Political Jingle )


►Inday.

Indaaaaaay will always love you. ( I will always Love You )



►Phone na Nokia.

Phone na Nokia, di sinasadya.
Di kayang magtapat ang puso ko. ( Paano na Kaya )


►Kamuning.

Kamuning get me, get me, get me.
Baby i’m yours. Kaamuning get me. ( Get Me )


►Russian Patay.
Wise men say, only fools Russian,
patay can’t help, fallin in love with you. ( Cant help Fallin in Love )


►Terminal.

Terminal..
every now and then i get a little bit lonely.. ( Total Eclipse of the Heart )


►Alfred.

Alfred my wings and i learned how to fly.. ( Breakaway )


►Bumili ng bagong folding bed.

Bumili ng bagong folding bed, Mad at You! ( Mad )


►Pikachu.

No, I don’t wanna go to bed (pikachu). ( Mad )



►River boat.

River boat young when I first saw you. I close my eyes. ( Love Story )


►Lady Gaga.

Kung Lady Gaga ka.. sa piling ng iba.. ( Kung Liligaya Ka )


►Para, Mamang Taxi.

I’m your biggest fan,
I’ll follow you until you love me.
Para, mamang taxi. ( PAPARAZZI )


►Nido, Gatas.

I Nido boo, gatas see you boo..
and the hearts all over the world tonight.
said the hearts all over the world tonight. ( With You )


►I-autoload mo ako. How much? Magkano?

Nothing’s gonna change my love for you,
i-autoload mo ko. how much? magkano?

( Nothing’s gonna change my love for you )


►Soon to Open: Pan de Manila.

Uno, dos, tres, soon to open Pan de Manila.



►Pritong Saba, Pritong Mani, Sinigang, Kare-kare.


Pritong saba, pritong mani, sinigang, kare-kare. Hallelu— Hallelujah.



►Kabag Again.


Now i’m speechless, over the edge of this breathless. I never thought that I would catch this, the kabag again. ( Lovebug )


►Melon, Kangkong, Mais, Gulaman, Talong.

Melon kangkang mais gulaman. Maari bang mag-talong? ( Nandito Ako )



►Kinurot ko. Kinurut-kurot ko pa.


Kinurot ko. Kinurut-kurot ko pa.
(intro - always be my baby - mariah)


►The Hill and Cow.

The hill and cow ang sigaw ng puso ko.
Ikaw ang nasa isip ko. ( Dahil Ikaw )


►Honda.

Honda first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me.
( 12 days of Christmas )


►Honda ulit!


Honda wings of love!
Up and above the clouds the only way to fly,
is Honda Wings of Love. ( On the Wings of Love )


►Pacquiao.

But it’s over now. Come on and take Pacquiaooo ( Take A Bow )


►Lasengga.

All lasengga ladies. All lasengga ladies.
Put your hands up! ( Single Ladies )



►BDO.

Watch me on your BDO Phone. BDO phone. ( Videophone )



►Dina Bonnevie, Gary V.

Dina Bonnevie my lover, Gary V with my friends. ( Wannabe )


►Lactum.

I Lactum move it move it!


►Pulis may wang-wang.

Pulis may wang-wang-wang!
Shorty fire burning on the dance floor. Ooh~


►Tuna Pie. Tuna limit, tuna wall.

Tuna pie, tuna limit, tuna wall~ for a chance to be with you i’d rather risk it all. Tuna pie, tuna fever come what may! ~ ( Through the fire )


►China.


Chinaaa~ ika’y muling makita ko.
Damhin ang tibok ng puso mo. ( Sana )


►Mighty Mouse.


Mighty mouse outside Chicago.
Can’t stop driving I don’t know why~ ( Someday Well know )


►Coca Cola.

Coca cola lang sana ang iyong minahal,
di ka na muling mag-iisa. ( Kung ako nalang sana )



►Little Manuel.

I’m not crazy, I’m just a little manuel. I know, right know you can’t tell.



►Lesbians.

So lesbians, lesbians for love.
Lesbians, lesbians tonight! ( Last Dance )


►MOA.

Girl you know MOAAA, girl you know MOAAA. (birthday sex)


►Thesis.

Thesis the moment, my final test. ( This is the Moment )


►Cheesy palaman sa tasty.

No he ca’t read my poker face (cheesy-palaman-sa-tasty).
popopoker face popopoker face. ( Pokerface )


►New Zealand.

New Zealand ka sa mundong ito.
Laking tuwa ng magulang mo. ( Anak )



►Joana.

I joana close my eyes! I joanna fall asleep.
( I dont wanna miss a thing )

Parlor Scene Part II

Sa parehong parlor din nayun. Ay salon pala. Kasi sosyal daw ang salon. May pumasok na 45 year old na lalaki magpapagupit.


Hairdresser: Ano po ang gupit niyo sir?

Customer: Umm. Gusto ko magmukhang bata. Yung gupit na pambata ah?

Hairdresser: Ok po. Assistant. Pumunta ka ng pharmacy. Bumili ka ng PACIFIER. Bigay natin sa kanya. Gusto daw niya magmukhang bata!

Customer: ( Nalumpo. Nagkapolio. Lumuwa ng dugo...)

Parlor Scene Part I.®

Isang umaga may customer na pumasok sa isang parlor. Naabutan niya ang isang magandang manggugupit na bading.

Hairdresser: Sir, ano po ang gupit niyo?

Customer: Ahh. Simple lang. Linisin mo lang buhok ko. Yung malinis.

Hairdresser: Ahh ok cge. Assistant! Pakikuha nga ang walis diyan. Lilinisin daw natin buhok niya!

Customer: ( Labas mata! Duguan... )

Quotes ni Bob Ong

Marahil marami sa atin ang nakapagbasa na ng mga akda ni Bob Ong. At marami narin sa atin ang napahanga ng manunulat na ito. Isa sa pinakagusto ko sa kanya ay ang mga makabagong salawikain na nabuo niya. Astig! Super tagalog ah!



Eto ang ilan sa mga quotes from Bob Ong himself. Naks!


►. "Lahat naman ng tao sumeseryoso pagtinamaan ng pagmamahal. Yun nga lang,
hindi lahat matibay para sa temptasyon."

►. "Gamitin ang puso para alagaan ang taong malapit sayo. Gamitin ang utak
para alagaan ang sarili mo."

►. "Huwag mong bitawan ang bagay na hindi mo kayang makitang hawakan ng iba.
"

►. "Huwag mong hawakan kung alam mong bibitawan mo lang."

►. "Huwag na huwag ka hahawak kapag alam mong may hawak ka na."

►. "Parang elevator lang yan eh, bakit mo pagsisiksikan ung sarili mo kung
walang pwesto para sayo. Eh meron naman hagdan, ayaw mo lang pansinin."

►. "Kung maghihintay ka nang ng lalandi sayo, walang mangyayari sa buhay
mo.. Dapat lumandi ka din."

►. "Pag may mahal ka at ayaw sayo, hayaan mo. Malay mo sa mga susunod na
araw ayaw mo na din sa kanya, naunahan ka lang."

►. "Hiwalayan na kung di ka na masaya. Walang gamot sa tanga kundi
pagkukusa."

►. "Pag hindi ka mahal ng mahal mo wag ka magreklamo. Kasi may mga tao rin
na di mo mahal pero mahal ka. Kaya quits lang."

►. "Bakit ba ayaw matulog ng mga bata sa tanghali? alam ba nilang pag
natuto silang umibig e hindi na sila makakatulog kahit gusto nila?

►. "Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na
sa bilyon-bilyong tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama
ka."

►. "Kung nagmahal ka ng taong di dapat at nasaktan ka, wag mong sisihin ang
puso mo. Tumitibok lng yan para mag-supply ng dugo sa katawan mo. Ngayon,
kung magaling ka sa anatomy at ang sisisihin mo naman ay ang hypothalamus mo
na kumokontrol ng emotions mo, mali ka pa rin! Bakit? Utang na loob! Wag
mong isisi sa body organs mo ang mga sama ng loob mo sa buhay! Tandaan mo:
magiging masaya ka lang kung matututo kang tanggapin na hindi ang puso,
utak, atay o bituka mo ang may kasalanan sa lahat ng nangyari sayo, kundi
IKAW mismo!"

►. "nalaman kong hindi final exam ang passing rate ng buhay. hindi ito
multiple choice, identification, true or false, enumeration or fill-in-the-
blanks na sinasagutan kundi essay na isinusulat araw-araw. Huhusgahan ito
hindi base sa kung tama o mali ang sagot, kundi base sa kung may kabuluhan
ang mga isinulat o wala. Allowed ang erasures."

►. "Wag magmadali sa pag-aasawa. Tatlo, lima, sampung taon sa hinaharap,
mag-iiba pa ang pamantayan mo at maiisip mong di pala tamang pumili ng
kapareha dahil lang sa kaboses niya si Debbie Gibson o magaling
mag-breakdance. Totoong mas importante ang kalooban ng tao higit anuman. Sa
paglipas ng panahon, maging ang mga crush ng bayan sa eskwelahan e
nagmumukha ring pandesal. Maniwala ka."

►. "ayokong nasasanay sa mga bagay na pwede namang wala sa buhay ko "

►. "hinahanap mo nga ba ako o ang kawalan ko?"

►. "hindi dahil sa hindi mo naiintindihan ang isang bagay ay
kasinungalingan na ito. at hindi lahat ng kaya mong intindihin ay
katotohanan. "

►. "Kumain ka na ng siopao na may palamang pusa o maglakad sa bubog nang
nakayapak, pero wag na wag kang susubok mag-drugs. Kung hindi mo kayang
umiwas, humingi ka ng tulong sa mga magulang mo dahil alam nila kung saan
ang mga murang supplier at hindi ka nila iisahan."

►. "Mag-aral maigi. Kung titigil ka sa pag-aaral, manghihinayang ka
pagtanda mo dahil hindi mo naranasan ang kakaibang ligayang dulot ng mga
araw na walang pasok o suspendido ang klase o absent ang teacher. (Haaay,
sarap!)."

►. "Mangarap ka at abutin mo. Wag mong sisihin ang sira mong pamilya,
palpak mong syota, pilay mong tuta, o mga lumilipad na ipis. Kung may
pagkukulang sa'yo mga magulang mo, pwde kang manisi at maging rebelde.
Tumigil ka sa pag-aaral, mag-asawa ka, mag-drugs ka, magpakulay ka ng buhok
sa kili-kili. Sa bandang huli, ikaw din ang biktima. Rebeldeng walang
napatunayan at bait sa sarili."

Word of the Day!

Burnik

Hair around the anus and/or along the perineum. Usually catches poop that eventually dries, especially when using tissue paper only. Or leaves.


"Pucha Pare, nag sixty nine kami ni Marjorie kagabi. Ang kapal ng burnik chong! I love it!"

WHATA CONVERSATION?!

Just happened today. Naguusap kami ng kawork ko. Mumi RJ. Nag uusap Kami about a person. Kawork din namin. May pagka sira ulo kasi ang babaeng yun. Itago nalang natin siya sa Pangalang FLOR SIRAULO.

Mumi: Alam mo kasi Jopay, ang mga Marbles* natin sa utak are intact. Eh siya, loosen na ang mga Marbles niya.

(*Refer to some parts of the brain. TURNILYO! SCREW! Ganun!)

Jopay: Ahh ganun ba Mumi. Parang CO* lang. CO as in Cira OLO. Hahaha.

(*Gay linggo meaning crazy, SIRA ULO, baliw!)

Mumi: TAMA! TAMA! Kasi Jopay nakakatako pag bigla mo yung niloko baka saksakin ka ng ballpen.

Jopay: KORAK! Nagdedwell pa siya sa past niya kaya ang mukha niya, mukhang past!

Mumi: Medieval!

Jopay: PRIMITIVE!

BOTH: TAMA!

Baklang Baklang Kanta ( Gay Song )

Song Title: Bubuka Ang Bulaklak ~ Group of kids forming a circle that opens and close like a flower, then one person (the "queen") would go in the circle would dance to the tune of boom tiyaya.

Bubukesh and floweret ~ Bubuka ang bulaklak (the flower will open)
Jojosok ang reynabelz ~ Papasok ang reyna (the queen will enter)
Shochurva ang chacha ~ Sasayaw ng chacha (she willl dance chacha)
Pa jempot jempot fah ~ Pa kembot kembot pa (with swinging hips)
Boom tiyayavush chenes ~ Boom ti yah yah



Song Title: Pen Pen de Sarapen ~ Rhyming chant like eenie meenie miney mo.

Pen pen de chorvaloo ~ Pen pen de sarapen
De kemerloo de eklavoo ~ De kutsilyo, de almasen (kutsilyo=knife, almasen=warehouse)
Hao hao de chenelyn de big yuten ~ Haw, haw de karabaw de batuten (karabaw=water buffalo, batuten=stinky)
Sfriti dapat iipit ~ Sipit namimilipit (claws that pinch)
Goldness filak chumochorva ~ Ginto`t pilak namumulaklak (gold and silver flourishing)
Sa tabi ng chenes ~ Sa tabi ng dagat (next to the sea)
Shoyang fula, talong na fula ~ Sayang pula, tatlong pera (red skirt, three pesos)
Shoyang fute, talong na mafute ~ Sayang puti, tatlong salapi (white skirt, three pesos)
Chuk chak chenes, namo uz ek ~ Sawsaw sa suka, mahuli ay taya (dip in vinegar, last is out)

So GAY story! ( Gay Linggo Translation )

Tom Jones ang mga bekla kaya gora ever sa mall para lumafang. Una nilang jonta ang nyudkort, kaya lang maraming utaw. Go naman sa Nyorbaks, kaya lang can't afford pala ang drama ng iba. Sey nga ni Kimberly, Mahalia Mendez daw ng kape, juwi na lang siya later para mag-Nescafe. Warla ngayon si Georgette, ang Rica Boom Boom ng federasyon. Tom Cruise na talaga siya't wai na patience, kaya shuwag ever siya sa kanyang chimini ah ah. "Yaya, dalhin mo ditech ang anda," sey ng bakla.

Translation:
"The gays are very hungry so they went to the mall to eat. First they went to the food court, but there's a lot of people. Then they went to Starbucks but most of them can't afford the price. Kimberly said that coffee is expensive, that's why she'll just drink Nescafe at home. Georgette is not present, the prettiest of all gay. She was too hungry and was very impatient that's why she called her maid. "Yaya, bring the food here" says the gay."

MORE INTERESTING FACTS

1. Mosquito repellents don't repel. They hide you. The spray blocks the mosquito's sensors so they don't know you're there.

2. Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least 6 feet away from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.

3. The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as substitute for blood plasma.

4. No piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times.

5. Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.

6. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

7. Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty years of age or older.

8. The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.

9. The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.

10. A Boeing 747s wingspan is longer than the Wright brother's first flight.

11. American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating 1 olive from each salad served in first-class.

12. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

13. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

14. The plastic things on the end of shoelaces are called aglets.

15. Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.

16. The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.

17. Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.

18. Marilyn Monroe had six toes. (rumor)

19. All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn't like being seen wearing them in public.

20. Walt Disney was afraid of mice.

21. Pearls melt in vinegar.

22. Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.

23. The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca-Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

24. It is possible to lead a cow upstairs...but not downstairs.

25. A duck's quack doesn't echo and no one knows why. (Or does it? http://www.acoustics.salford.ac.uk/acoustics_world/duck/duck.htm)

26. The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.

27. Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word 'criminal.' The second was William Jefferson Clinton.

28. Turtles can breathe through their butts.

29. Butterflies taste with their feet.

30. In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.

31. On average, 100 people choke to death on ball-point pens every year.

32. On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

33. Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.

34. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

35. Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.

36. Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

37. It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow. (or can you? http://www.uvm.edu/~dfisher1/random/elbow.jpg http://www.uvm.edu/~dfisher1/random/elbow2.jpg)

38. The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.

39. A snail can sleep for three years.

40. No word in the English language rhymes with 'MONTH.'

41. Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.

42. Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. SCARY!!!

43. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

44. All polar bears are left handed.

45. In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies,

including their eyebrows and eyelashes.

46. An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

47. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

48. 'Go', is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.

49. If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. Barbie's full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.

50. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

51. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

52. Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.

INTERESTING FACTS!

1. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it)



2. If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it)



3. A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

(In my next life I want to be a pig)

(How'd they figure this out, and why?)



4. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Still can't get over that pig thing)

(Don't try this at home...maybe at work?)



5. Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

(And pigs get 30-minute orgasms? Doesn't seem fair)



6. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmmmmm........)



7. Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people do.

(If you're ambidextrous do you split the difference?)



8. The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of...?)

(Did taxpayers pay for this research??)



9. Polar bears are left handed.

(Who knew....? Who cares? How'd they find out, did they ask them?)



10. The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)



11. The flea can jump 350 times its body length.

It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes...can you imagine?? And why pigs?)



12. A cockroach will live nine days without it's head, before it starves to death.

(Creepy)



13. The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the....)

(Well, at least pigs get a break there...)



14. Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(In my next life I still want to be a pig ... quality over quantity)



15. Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Oh, Geez) (That's almost as bad as catfish)



16. An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

(I know some people like that.)


17. Starfish don't have brains. ( SO PATRICK IS REALLY DUMB?! )

► 101 Ways to say "I LOVE YOU"

1. Watch the sunset together.

2. Take showers together.

3. Back rubs/massages.

4. Listen to classical music and cuddle in the dark or w/ blacklight. ♫

5. French Kiss. :P

6. Hold her w/ hands inside the back of her shirt.

7. Whisper to each other.

8. Cook for each other.

9. Skinny dip.

10. Make out in the rain.

11. Dress each other.

12. Undress each other.

13. Kiss every part of their body.

14. Hold hands.

15. Sleep together. (Actually sleep with each other, not sex)

16. One word: Foreplay.

17. Sit and talk in just underwear.

18. Buy gifts for each other.

19. Roses.

20. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear it every time you're together.
21. Wear his clothes.

22. Find a nice secluded place to lie and watch the stars.

23. Incense/candles/oils/blacklights and music make for great cuddling/sex.

24. Kiss at every chance you get.

25. Don't wear underwear and let them find out.

26. Kinky is bad; Blindfolds are good.

27. Lightly kiss their collarbone and their jawbone just below the ear, then whisper I love you.

28. Bubble baths.

29. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
30. Make love.

31. Write poetry for each other.
32. Kiss/smell her hair.
33. Hugs are the universal medicine.

34. Say I love you, only when you mean it and make sure they know you mean it.

35. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.

36. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want. Don't lie.

37. Spend every second possible together.

38. Tell her that she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to. And mean it.
39. Look into each other's eyes.

40. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes, tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.

41. Talk to each other using only body language and your eyes.

42. When in public, only flirt w/ each other.
43. Walk behind her and put your hands in her front pockets.

44. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren't looking.

45. Clothes are no fun.

46. Buy her a ring.

47. Keep one of her bras somewhere where you see it everyday.

48. Sing to each other.

49. Read to each other.

50. PDA = Public Display of Affection.

51. Take advantage of any time alone together.

52. Tell her about how you answered every question in math with her name

53. Draw. (If you can)

54. Let her sit on your lap.

55. Go hiking and camp out together in the woods or on a mountain.

56. Lips were made for kissing. So were eyes, and fingers, and cheeks, and collarbones, and hands, and ears.

57. Kiss her stomach.

58. Always hold her around her hips/sides.

59. Guys like half-shirts.

60. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.

61. Spaghetti (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)

62. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her hand and then put it over your heart.
63. Unless you can feel their hear beating, you aren't close enough.

64. Dance together.

65. Sit in front of a roaring fire and make out/make love.

66. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallen asleep with her head in my lap.

67. Carry her to bed.

68. Waterbeds are fun.

69. You figure it out.

70. Do cute things like write I love you in a note so that they have to look in a mirror to read it.
71. Break every one of your parent's relationship rules for them.

72. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
73. Even if you are really busy doing something, go out of your way to call and say I love you.

74. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you were thinking about them.

75. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.

76. Ride your bike 8 miles just to see them for a few hours.

77. Ride home and call them.

78. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.

79. Somehow incorporate them into any kind of religion or worship you have.

80. Be Prince Charming to her parents. (Brownie Points)

81. Act out mutual fantasies together. (Not necessarily sexual)

82. Brush her hair out of her face for her.

83. Stay up all night to think of 101 ways to be sweet to them.

84. Hang out with his/her friends. (more brownie points)

85. Go to church/pray/worship together.

86. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember the parts she liked.

87. Cuddle together under a full moon on a clear night.

88. Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice.

89. Everyone deserves a second chance.

90. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.

91. Make sacrifices for each other.

92. Really love each other, or don't stay together.

93. Write a fictional story about how you met/fell in love, etc. and give
it to them.

94. Let there never be a second during any given day that you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.

95. Love yourself before you love anyone else.

96. Buy her a charm bracelet/necklace w/her name on it.

97. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.

98. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.

99. Sleep naked together.

100. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.

101. Never forget the kiss goodnight. And always remember to say, "Sweet dreams."

NOODLES: Term for Hot and Yummy Guys!

Maybe each of us cannot hide the fact that we are tempted with hot and yummy guys right? With those lean muscles, hot body, six pack abs, and that sex appeal. Ohhhh! Love it. So my friend and I came up to a new term. NOODLES. Whenever we see a hot and attractive guy, we murmur and say, NOOOOODLES! Why? Isn't it when you are eating NOODLES with soup, most of us will make a sound of "TSSSSSUPPPPSSSS!" or "SSSSSSSUPPPPSSSSS". Am I right? So we relate it with those hot yummy studs. Its like you are eating and tasting those guys. TSSSSSSUUUUPPPPPS! Yummy!

So if you will see a hot and yummy guy, try to tell your friends... NOODDLLLLEESSSS! LMAO.

TANGING BAKLA NATING LAHAT?!

"Kung alam ko lang na ganito ang mangyayari, sana naghanda ako ng mabuti. Handa ngdagdag pa ako ng blush on from Mary Kay. Diba? Binabati ko pala ang aking minamahal na papa. Miss na kita Tart. Mag ingat ka. Mahal kita sobra."


_{PS. Thanks Mama ko sa kagandahang ito. Mwah!}

Let's celebrate Mother's Day!

Officially Mother's Day will be celebrated this coming Sunday, May 09, 2010 in different countries of the world. Ofcoarse you wouldn't dare to miss this kind of celebration, especially its a celebration for our Mum. This is the day to honour our Mother and thank them for everything they have done and they will be doing and sacrificing for us.

Just to give you a background, in 1912, Anna Jarvis trademarked the phrases "second Sunday in May" and "Mother's Day", and created the Mother's Day International Association. This is from Wikipedia. And until now, the said day is celebrated annually to give thanks to our Mothers.


I will give you some tips on how to give thanks and celebrate Mother's day:

a. Giving flowers is the most common way to celebrate it. Try to give flowers with a twist. Try to buy 8 to 12 rose/any kinds of flowers. And place it in different parts of your house. And in each flower you could put a short note on how you value your Mother or how much you love her. And the moment she gets all the flowers you could give her a big kiss and hug. Isn't that sweet? Try also putting rose petals on the floor where she will walk on before getting the flowers.

b. Bake a cake. Personally bake cakes are much more special than buying pre-made cakes.

c. Treat her to a romantic dinner. Order all her favorite food. A suggestion would be Italian or Asian fine dining.

d. Spend the whole night watching DVD or movies at home. With popcorn or any food you like. Simple yet memorable.

e. Make a scrapbook. Put all your memories together. Everything. Everything which has a sentimental value both for you and your mom. Im sure that can make her cry.

f. Lastly, just spend the whole day with her. We dont usually have that time to spend with her because of different reasons. So this is the best day to spend it with her. Talk to her and open up to her. In that case, she will know your current situation or desires. Plus that could be your chance to make her feel you love her.


Some people may disagree about these suggestions. You can try other ways to do it. Just remember the most important thing you need to do that day is To make your Mother feel your love and how much you value her.



TIP BITS
DID YOU KNOW?!

That in Arab World, Mother's Day in most of Arab countries is celebrated on March 21. Egypt is the first country to celebrate this day.

SURPRISE!

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love.

When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk

home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached

home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the

blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.
The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight

to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me

vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.
Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and

folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.


At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



In order to have, first, you have to be.
In this lifetime....even if we're not able to do great things, we can still do the small things....with great LOVE.

WOMAN 101.

A bicyclist was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky
clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you
have tried your best to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one
wish."

The bike rider pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
over anytime I want."The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. Think of
the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly
exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire
for worldly things. Please take a little more time and think of something that would honor and
glorify me."

The bike rider thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I
wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside,
what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries,
what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make
a woman truly happy."


The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"


IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND A WOMAN? :D

THE CELIBACY TEST

Three young candidates for the priesthood are told by the Monsignor they have to pass one more test: The Celibacy Test. The Monsignor leads them into a room, and tells them to undress,

and a small bell is tied to each man's penis.

In comes a beautiful woman, wearing a sexy belly-dancer costume. She begins to dance sensually around the first candidate. Even before she has begun to remove her veils: *Ting-a-ling*

goes the little bell...

"Oh Patrick," says the Monsignor, "I am so disappointed in your complete lack of self-control. Go take a long, cold shower and pray about your carnal weakness."

As Patrick leaves, the dancer then continues, slowly dancing around the second candidate and peeling off her layers of veils. As the last veil drops: *Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

"Joseph, Joseph," sighs the Monsignor. "You too are unable to withstand your carnal desires. Go take a long, cold shower and pray for forgiveness."

The dancer then proceeds to dance her sensuous dance around the third candidate. Slowly around him she dances, now devoid of all of her veils, but the third candidate remains unmoved.

"James, my son, I am truly proud of you," says the Monsignor. "Only you have the true strength of character needed to become a great priest. Now, go and join your weaker brethren in the

shower."

*Ting-a-ling* goes the bell...

My Own Simple Ways on How To Make Someone Fall in Love with YOU.

We all experienced to falling in love. And I know its quite hard to deal with emotions right? And sometimes being SINGLE makes you feel bored and alone. So here are some of the ways on how to make someone like you. These are based from my experiences and also based from other people's experiences. Dig in!


1. Ask his Facebook/Myspace/Friendster/Beebo/other social networking sites. Why? Because through that you will know his basic information and see some pictures whcih can give you an idea of his/her eccentricity. Simple yet useful way.

2. Know the Power of your EYES. Remember the saying? "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Our eyes are very powerful. It will allow the other person to see your emotion, your feelings and sometimes your desire. So get those eyeballs ready.

3. Don't Do Nice Things for Them. Let Them Do Nice Things for You- from iVillage.com

If you do something nice for someone, it makes you feel good on two levels. You feel pleased with yourself and extra-warm toward the person you've just spoiled. To justify the effort or expense, we often over-idealize how wonderful he is to deserve it! End result: we like the person more. When someone does something nice for us, we're pleased. But there are a whole lot of other emotions that come into play -- and they're not all good. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed. There's pressure to live up to being the wonderful person who inspired such a gift/act, not to mention pressure to return the favor. It's all even trickier if the "nice thing" comes from someone you very much like but aren't sure about yet. Got the point? When we're infatuated with someone, we're desperate to do nice things for him. You're much better off letting him spoil you.


4. Keep it real: be natural. Keep them laughing, smiling, and happy.


5. Go the extra mile. Stand out from the crowd.


Here are some tips from Wikihow.com


▬Be understanding. Listen to what he/she has to say don't go over him/her.

▬Compliment him/her.

▬Don't flirt with his close friends. This will just end up with fights between mates.

▬Above all, if the person doesn't love you for your personality, then he/she is NOT really in love with you. Never keep hanging on to him when he/she isn't interested.

▬Don't say you love him/her if you don't really mean it, they might become obsessive.

▬Don't EVER cheat.

▬Don't make him/her feel worthless by ranting on and on about your exes. If you say what you dislike in your exes, he/she might be put off, as most people have the same faults, like leaving the toilet seat up or biting their nails.

▬And most of all, be yourself. If a person can not fall in love you for you just being you.. then that person is not really for you.

WHATDAH?!

It is not how much you do, but how much love you put in the doing.

- No matter how simple it is but you really enjoy it, you are productive with it, you are happy with it, its not considered as simple. What is important is the thought that you pour into it. As they say, “its the thought that counts”. :)))

SOMEONE ELSE...

Haynako!
Hindi ka ba naman maasar kay someone else?
Masyado pa cute.
Alam naman niyang marupok ako.
Sinasamantala niya ang kahinaan ko.

Nakasalamin pa siya.
So it means “malabo” kami?
He needs someone better?
Nakooo!
Assuming lang ako masyado.
May chance pa!
TANDAAN: Walang impossible sa mundo.

Ang BATOK niya.
Amputteeeee!
Mapute pa sa paa ko.
Nakakangineeeg! :P
Kahinaan ko kaya ang batok.
Tapos kulay singkamas pa ang balat niya.
Super simile ang drama ng figure of speech.

He’s like my inspiration.
Im his perspiration.
Oh diba?
Rhyming… Bagay kami. :D
He’s the porkchop.
Im the ketchup.
He’s the apple of my eye.
Ako ang palaman ng kanyang tinapay.

Wow naman!
Nakooo.
Kaso, Hay!
Sabi nila “Single means being happy”.
Kinda Ironic diba?
Whew!